It has been almost 5 months since I last posted! A lot, and I mean A WHOLE LOT has happened in those 5 months.  I've decided to try to start blogging again.  To catch everyone up to speed, I'm going to be posting some of my journal entries from the last 5 months. 
A few explanations first:
  ~When I journal, I always begin with "Dear Isaiah,".  Just my way of remembering/connecting.
  ~We decided a long time ago that we wanted to pursue adoption and/or foster care (please see post from August 10 for further details).
  ~When I wrote these journal entries-- I did not think that I would be posting them on my blog. :) 

With that said, here's a journal entry from October 12.

Dear Isaiah-
I just read a very encouraging and convicting devotional from the Streams Devo Book.  Here's an excerpt..
 "I implore you to not give in to despair.  It is a dangerous temptation... Hopelessness constricts and withers the heart, rendering it unable to sense God's blessings and grace... makes your burdens seem too heavy for you to bear.  Yet God's plans for you, and HIs ways of bringing about His plans are infinitely wise." 
So, Isaiah, that's right where I am at.  Tempted to despair because adoption is looking impossible.  I'm struggling with self-pity and a bit of anger at God.  But I want to be like Joseph and Paul-- trusting God where ever I am.  They trusted their Savior wherever they were, allowing Him to use them. 
God, please forgive my bitterness and self pity.  ANd my anger.  Help me to trust.  Help my heart to be joyful and content despite my circumstance.  I need Your help for this task.
Oh Isaiah, what a journey this is!  Love you lots!
Love,
Momma

And one from October 13.

Dear Isaiah,
~Six months since you died
~My heart is till so broken
~My arms ache
~The adoption loans all fell through


October 17.
Dear Isaiah,
Yesterday my mom and I fasted and prayed about adoption/foster care.  Since we didnt get the loans--I have no idea how we will afford adoption.  Then last night--we get news that someone in our church will give us an interest free loan! Wow! I am so thanful!
We may do foster care though.  I do worry about the girls if we do foster-- will they get too attached and then be hurt if/when the baby leaves??
Dear God, please protect us from a wrong decision.  Lead us as only You can.
Love you Isaiah!
Momma


Oct 24.
Dear Isaiah,
Last night while we were shopping, Kate just all of the sudden proclaimed that God is bringing us a baby :)
And AnnaGrace was sitting in my lap after dinner and said "There's a rainbow!" Of course, it was really just the sunset- but the colors were pretty.  And the day before, she just spontaneously decided to give me a picture she had drawn.  It was of me and a baby :)
Soon?
Oh I hope so!
Love you Isaiah!
Love Momma