This past week found us in the hospital with our daughter Kate.
She woke up one morning with a huge (and I mean HUGE) swollen gland in her neck. With a knot in my stomach, I took her to the pediatrician. I sat there in his office, trying to not panic-- of course, though, my mind feared the worst case scenario (when you have already been the one to experience the "rare", you just come to expect that that will be your lot in life).
The doctor decided we should start antibiotics and wait a few days to see if the gland would respond. If it didn't, we would run some tests. I made it out of his office ok, but as I picked up the other kids at my moms-- I started crying.
I just didn't want to lose her.
That night, Kate didn't sleep at all. She started acting a little confused/spacey. The next morning her temperature went up. Then, I noticed that there was a sore on her ear. A sore right on the spot where she had been bitten by a tick 3 weeks ago.
I called the nurse to see if I should come back in.
She didn't call me back.
I did some research on the type of tick that had bitten her. And sure enough-- it causes a couple of diseases. Serious diseases when not properly treated.
I called the nurse back again (which you are not supposed to do!).
Finally she returned my call and said that it would probably be ok to have Kate just keep taking the antibiotic and that I didn't need to come in.
Um. No. I am not taking that risk. I may be labeled a crazy hypochondriac but I don't care. I regret so very much that I didn't push some issues related to Isaiah. And I carry lots of guilt about not pushing those issues. So, when it comes to my kids and their health-- I am going to be pushy!
And I was.
And she agreed to let me come in. (I am sure she was thinking-- what a crazy mom!) :)
The pediatrician examined Kate and then told us that she needed to be admitted to the children's hospital.
Oh how I wanted to sob. But I couldn't. I had to pretend that everything was going to be ok.
That night, I had to hold my precious daughter down as the nurses tried 4 times (4! times) to draw blood. Listening to her cry, I thought my heart would break. Why were having to go through this??
I just didn't want to lose her.
They decided to start Kate on another medication.
The next day, the doctor said that things weren't looking better; we could probably start anticipating surgery and a week long stay. Sadness just washed over me. I didn't want to walk through this. It was too hard. It was still too close to losing Isaiah.
I didn't want to lose her.
We prayed lots. My mom said she prayed for one solid hour!
Well, the next morning, the gland had shrunk a little, the temperature had gone down, and the bite sight looked better!!!
The doctor said we could go home!!
I rejoiced!
I am so thankful that what could have been very serious, ended up being ok. I know that just because we lost Isaiah, we don't suddenly get a free pass on trials, on the hard things of life, on loss. This life, here on earth, is just hard. There is lots of pain. Lots of hurt. Lots of loss.
One day, thanks be to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, life will be good! There will be no more pain. No more hurt. No more losing.
"Dear God,
Thank you for protecting Kate. Thank you for healing her. God, I know there is so much pain and loss in this life. I ask for your protection over my family. I ask that You would help me to trust You. Help me to keep my eyes on Eternity. Thank You that this life is not all there is."
