Since the moment that I learned that my sweet Isaiah had died, I have struggled with God.
Who is He?
I thought I knew.
But in that instant, when my world came crashing down, I was no longer sure of the things that I had been sure of just a day before.
I continue to struggle some with who God is, but, in all my wrestling, here is what I've come to be sure about:
    1.  God is real.  I just dont buy the hocus pocus that we evolved from slime.
    2.  God is powerful.  If He wasnt, would He be God?  I think believing that He is powerful comes pretty naturally to most of us.  A god that's not powerful is not really a god, is it?
    3.  God is good/God loves me.  This is the hard thing to believe.  Very hard.  If God is powerful, why does He allow suffering?  Honestly, I don't know.  However, I do believe that the Bible is true(why? that's a whole nother discussion, but there is a LOT of historical evidence and validity).  And the Bible says that God loved us so much that He punished His own Son so that He would not have to punish us.  He so desired a relationship with me, that He punished His only Son.  After losing my son, this truth speaks loudly.  Very loudly.  I would NOT have given my sons life for another person.  I just wouldnt have, no matter how wonderful that person was.  And God gave His son for us--people who are far from perfect.  People who dont even like Him.  This giving of His son is "the one objective, absolute, irrefutable proof of God's love for us." (John Piper--Trusting God).  God does, indeed, love us.
    4.  God cares about me and His heart breaks when mine does.  There is a story in the Bible of a man, named Lazarus, who died.  His family was grieving terribly.  They asked Jesus to come.  When He came, He wept with the family.  The crazy thing?  He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead!  Why would He cry?  Because of His compassion for those who were hurting.   He loved them.  Just as we weep when others weep, He weeps when we do.  He cares so much about us. 

Is it hard to trust that a good God would allow my son to die?  Yes.  Do I still get mad at Him sometimes? Yes.
But I keep coming back to these four thruths. 

Here is a quote from a book (one thousand gifts) that I really like:
"He gave us Jesus.  Jesus! Gave Him up for us all.  If we have only one memory, isn't this one enough?  Why is this the memory I most often take for granted?  He cut open the flesh of the God-Man and let the blood.  He washed our grime with the bloody grace.  He drove the iron ore through His own vein.  Doesn't that memory alone suffice? Need there be anything more? If God didnt withold from us His very own Son, will God withold anything we need? If trust must be earned, hasn't God unequivocally earned our trust with the bark on the raw wounds, the thorns pressed into the brow, your name on the cracked lips? How will He not also graciously give us all things He deems best and right.  He's already given the incomprehensible." 

Because God has already given the incomprehensible (His son), I can trust Him. 
Because I can trust Him, I can make it through one more day without my son.