Dearest Isaiah~

Today, you would be two months old.  I can hardly believe that it has been two months since you were born.  I feel like it was just yesterday. 

Here is how your momma is doing at two months:
~I don't cry every day.  I cry most days, but not every day.
~I enjoy sitting in your room.  It makes me feel close to you.
~I still have not returned to our play group.  I just can't bear to see all the beautiful preggo mommas and the precious babies.
~I finally took your car seat out of the car.  I did that last Friday.  It was hard.  But I did it.
~I don't visit your grave too often.  There's two reasons: 1. We have not shown your grave to your sisters yet.  So, if I want to go, I have to get a sitter or wait till nighttime.  2. It makes me focus too much on your physical body and not on your spirit--which is in Heaven--alive and well.
~I still sleep with the blanket that they wrapped you in at the hospital. 
~I still wrestle with God.  Mostly, I trust Him and trust His great love for me.  Sometimes, though, I still question why, and wonder if He really does love me. 
~I have a hard time finding enjoyment in things I used to enjoy--like reading blogs on home decorating/DIY.  It seems too trivial somehow. 
~I held your sweet cousin for the first time today.  He is a week old.  And so precious.  I didn't cry.  But oh to see his mom snuggle with him--how I wish I could snuggle with you for just one minute.  Hear your sweet baby sounds, feel your soft baby skin, let your little head rest on my shoulder...

Oh Isaiah.  I love you so much.  So very very much.
I'm so thankful that I had the privilege of carrying you for nine months.  I'm so thankful that you are in Heaven, and that I will see you one day.
But....I miss you so much.

Love always,
Momma