I'm not sure what to write today--there's a bunch of different thoughts swimming in this ole brain of mine.  Maybe it will just be a "salad" post:
 ~I finally made myself call the insurance company yesterday to hash out the details of Isaiah's birth.  We had been paying for maternity coverage for a long time so that we would only be responsible for 20% of the final bill.  Well, guess what?  The insurance lady(who was not very tender or warm and fuzzy) tells me that since Isaiah's birth was not "routine", it's not covered by maternity!  What???  I wanted to simultaneously laugh and cry and yell.  I beg your pardon....his birth was oh so routine.  It was just that he was dead.  And because he was dead, you are telling me that maternity coverage does not apply?  Oh ok.  ARGGGG.  Instead of yelling to her about how unjust that was, I politely ended the conversation and then proceeded to call my mom and yell about how unjust that was.  (so thankful for my mom!)
~Crazy guilt bug--it bit again this morning.  Why didn't I have the csection?  Why was I trying for a VBAC?   "Oh Isaiah, I'm so sorry."
~Worry-- Since Isaiah's death, I, on the one hand, worry about every little thing("bad" things really do happen!), but, on the other hand, I have peace because I know that no matter what happens, God will help me through it.    Does that make sense?  I guess I have been hit with the fact that death is real.  I mean I always knew that everyone must die, but death was somehow abstract.  Now, death is all too real.  But, so is God.  And Heaven.  Whatever comes, He will be faithful to help me.
~I'm so thankful for the Internet.  And for blogs.  It has been so encouraging to read the journeys of other moms. 
~Below is a song that has been an encouragement to me.