So today, I was in the check out lane of Whole Foods. The checkout lady says, "Are you a new mom?" I'm not exactly sure what she means --shouldn't it be obvious by the ages of my children that I am not, in fact, a new mom.
"Um, no" I say.
Then it starts to dawn on me...she probably recognizes me and is wondering where the baby is. "Didn't you just have a baby?" she asks.
In the split second that followed, before I answered, I think to myself--poor lady, she really doesn't know the can of worms she just opened.
"Well, yes, I did, but he died." I said. (Probably could have stated that a little better!).
I'm absolutely positive that she wasn't expecting that answer! But I'll have to hand it to her--she kept her composure. :)
When I told her that we did not know why he died, she proceeded to tell me something about nature having its ways.... I wanted to say, um no, it was not nature, it was not some random accident, God is in control. But I decided that getting into a theological discussion in the middle of Whole Foods may not be the best thing. :)
Has anyone else had to explain where their baby is?
I've been dreading that question, but I actually ended up feeling more sorry for her than for me.
I'e not been able to answer a question like that about Eva yet, without crying. I always feel like a weak, blubbering mess when it happens. Sounds like you did it well.
ReplyDeleteI had this situation a couple weeks after Charlie died. I went into our local 7Eleven to get a soda. i went in here just enough that the store clerks recognized me and we made idle chit-chat. The store clerk checking me out goes, "How's the baby?" And I replied, just as awkwardly as you did, "Well, he died." Just like you, I felt more sorry for her than myself as she got SOO awkward. She just got this surprised look on her face and kept saying, "oh, that's horrible!"
ReplyDeleteIt is a difficult awkward thing to have to deal with. I have subsequently avoided similar situations, if I can anticipate it.
I had a similar awkward moment at our 7eleven. I go there just enough that they recognize me and we chit-chat when I'm checking out. Well, a few weeks after Charlie's death I went in there and the store clerk, who was checking me out, asked, "How's the baby?" and I said, really awkwardly, "Well, he died." Like you, I felt more sorry for her than myself because she got so awkward and embarrassed and kept saying, "How horrible!" in just a shocked voice. I haven't gone back since. I try to avoid those situations if I can anticipate them.
ReplyDeleteI guess maybe, with time, it gets easier? I hope so. One mom, whose baby died about 7 years ago, told me that she likes to tell his story. Somehow, it makes her feel closer to him. Maybe that's how we will feel later? Now, it is just hard and awkward.
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