I'm definitely no expert on marriage, and there are many reasons why it is so difficult ("God, could you have made men and women slightly more alike???"), but I think one reason it is so difficult is because communication is so very difficult. And when you have difficulty communicating with the person you live with, things can get a little tough. Or terrible!
So marriage and communication are hard in and of themselves. Try adding a little grief to the pot!
Daniel and I have been struggling to keep our marriage strong through this difficult time. We did really well at first. Then, it got a little harder. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe one of the following:
~It's hard for me to cry in front of Daniel (especially if he seems to be having an ok day). So, I just stuff my feelings.
~It's easy to feel just flat out irritated at Daniel over little things(like I cant believe he stopped at starbucks on the way home--didnt he know I needed help with the girls???)
~I'm tired. I'm tired physically. I'm tired emotionally. I'm very tired. And as soon as the girls are in bed, I want to go to sleep. When that happens, we dont get a chance to even try communicating.
~I'm grieving differently than Daniel is grieving. Another one of the wonderful differences between men and women.
~I'm grieving the loss of different things than Daniel.
~I'm too emotionally drained to fight. If there's even potential for disagreement, we quickly retreat. He goes into his cave. I go into mine. I guess it's a protective thing. But it doesnt help in bringing us closer.
As you can see, our marriage is not easy right now.
But we are committed to sticking it out. To walking down this difficult path together.
In the end, I pray we have a stronger, better marriage than ever before.
Let me know if you have or are struggling with anything similar! (Then I wont feel so crazy!).
I'm struggling with it too. You're not crazy, and you're not alone. Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteThanks Molly--it helps to know I am not alone! Everything is just so much harder when you are completely overwhelmed by grief.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this! Especially the point of not wanting to cry in front of them when they seem to be having an ok day. It is so hard when we grieve so differently from each other. I notice at times Chad and I aren't comfortable in each others spaces...so we give each other space. Losing a child, I think, is the biggest stress a marriage can face! If we can pull through this, we can pull through anything!
ReplyDeleteYeah-- the saying "When momma aint happy, aint nobody happy" is true (bad grammer but true!) :) ITs tough to find the balance of being honest/open with our sadness but not allowing ourselves to wallow in it.
ReplyDelete