I hate to make people feel awkward. I know people feel awkward around me. I went to a birthday party for a friends little boy and it was like I was wearing a huge scarlet letter (except it was a big black D for death). It was like they were thinking--"Oh there's Julie, the girl who lost her baby. Should I say something? What if she cries? What would I say anyways? Maybe I'll just avoid her."
How do I know people are thinking this, how do I know they are feeling awkard? Because I've been there! I've never known what to say to those who are grieving--in fact, not sure I should admit this, but I've even AVOIDED people who are grieving. So, yep, I know exactly how they are feeling. And I really hate making them feel that way. I guess thats just one more horrible emotion that I'm having to deal with.
Oh Julie. I could have written these words exactly. I, too, feel this way. I'm just now beginning to realize that I'm not responsible for others' feelings/discomfort. I will honor the memory of my sweet son regardless of others' awkwardness -- that's their burden, not mine. I'm about 4 weeks ahead of you on this awful journey, but it's amazing to read the similarities. Sending love your way today...
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting. I would love to hear your son's story if/when you are willing. jljachens@gmail.com
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