I knew that this week leading up to Isaiah's one year birthday would be hard-- I just didn't realize that it would be this hard.  It has been a long time since I've cried this much.  Reliving the events surrounding his death and birth are not fun.  I constantly think back to what I was doing a year ago.  A year ago yesterday, I had a doctors visit.  They did an ultrasound and he looked healthy.  Everything looked good. But, of course, something was not good.  Something was wrong.  Oh how I wish that I knew what that something was. 
Whenever I feel overwhelmed by grief, I think of the other ladies whose stories I have read and that brings me comfort.  I know that I am not alone in my grief.  I know that there are women who truly understand. I know that I will make it-- just like they are making it.  Life for me, and for them, is different and it will never return to what used to be normal, but we will make it.
Oh Isaiah, how I long to hold you in my arms again.