Death stole the life of my precious son. It stole other things as well:
- the joy of getting to know my son-- Until Heaven, I will not know anything about my precious boy...Was he athletic like his father? Musical like his grandfather? Outdoorsey like his uncle? Was he kind? Introverted or extroverted?
- the ability of his sisters to live carefree. My girls now know that death is very real. It can happen when they least expect it. Because of this, they battle fear. I pray that God would remove this fear from their tender hearts.
- the ability to see pregnant women and not feel envy. Do they know the gift they've been given?
- participating in "birth stories." I was at our weekly play date and, besides me, there were 7 other moms. Four of those mom were pregnant(and at least one other is ttc)! The topic of conversation...labor and delivery. I really dont think anyone wants to hear what it feels like to lie on an operating table in a painfully quiet room while a doctor pulls the lifeless body of your precious baby out. So, I just sat quietly and listened. Listened while my heart, once again, broke.
- the ability to answer the following simple question ... "How many children do you have?"...without crying.
- the ability to really, truly feel completely joyful. Yes, there are times when I can laugh and smile. But, because a piece of my heart is missing, I dont feel truly joyful. I'm not sure if it will always be this way...
Rev 21:4 "and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying or pain"
What an awesome picture.... Jesus, tenderly wiping away our tears, comforting us with the knowledge that the enemy death has been defeated. Jesus has conquered it. It can no longer steal that which is so dear to us. Oh how I long for that day!
Painfully beautiful words. Thank you for sharing them. I think you're amazing. I hate what death has stolen from us and our families too. I look forward to that day of redemption as well!
ReplyDeletePS What a horrible play date to endure! I had a similar one this week too. Both ladies at the playdate were pregnant and were talking about how soon they would push their babies to sleep through the night. I sat there silently because my only comment was, "I'm not sure I could let another baby sleep through the night until they're like a year old!" but that would only remind them that SIDS happened to me and no pregnant woman wants to be reminded of that.I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteWow--I dont see how you made it through that conversation (and I'm a little amazed that they were not more sensitive--I guess its just that people dont usually think about what they are saying). I think I would have been tempted to run out of the room. You are strong!!
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