Dearest Isaiah,
The grief monster is rearing its ugly head again.  Besides the fact that its back, this time, its a bit of a different kind of beast.  I cant put my finger on what's different about it -- a bit lonelier maybe? Everyone else (including Daddy) seems to have moved on and healed.  My heart, though, still just feels sad.  And the fact that they have moved on, but I haven't, makes it all the harder. Along with being lonelier, the grief is more final.  You really are gone.  I really didn't get a chance to meet you and, this side of heaven, I never will.  Your life, the plans that I had, the dreams of how my family would look... they are gone. 
Oh Isaiah.
At almost two years post, I can still hardly bear it when I'm with a bunch a moms and the conversation turns (as it ALWAYS does!) to pregnancy, birth, ttc etc.  It causes my heart to just ache and ache. Seeing a sweet little momma with her sweet little baby bump is so so so difficult. I wonder, would it be easier if I had gotten pregnant again? Having J has been such a blessing, a wonderful gift.  Truly-- he is a ray of sunshine in my life.  But, I didn't give birth to him... is there healing that comes from going through a pregnancy and giving birth to a live baby after enduring a still birth? Would I be better able to endure seeing pregnant friends, better able to join in the pregnancy conversations?  Or would the intense pain that comes with the searing memories still surface?
Oh Isaiah.
Longing for you sweet precious son. 
Love,
Momma